I happened to run into them the week before Xmas on account of mutual friends we have in common. Still have their number in my phone, we have always remained friends instead of just ex-lovers since we have always had several friends in common. This person confirmed yesterday whether or not I was still seeing my boyfriend of 4 years now, and then confessed that they still had love for me and wanted to hang out.. via text message..

which, normally this type of information wouldn’t be so bad since I think so highly of myself and love hearing about anyone who loves me… but…

…this said person also happens to be one of the few old lovers that I actually had to force myself to get over despite all of the hurt our non-relationship caused me. I’d always go back, no matter how many times I told myself I was done, no matter how many times they disappointed me. I couldn’t help it, I wanted it, from the first hour we spent together, I knew I wanted it, wanted them.

I can’t deny that the only reason we don’t ‘hang out’ together in these later days is because if they asked, I can’t confidently promise I’d say no. I’d still go back. I know I totally would, just like I always did. Fuck. Now I’m questioning everything again.. dang it. now what?